my boss told me to stop talking

On the one hand, the expression forced other people into conversation sent my hackles up so severely that I bristled like a distraught porcupine. Volume control I will try to pay specific attention to in the next few weeks. I dont know that its destructivethe idea of holing up in a quiet, beautiful reading room (like Bates Hall in Boston) as a patron is very appealing, and thats why a lot of people want to come inbut yes, its definitely not the case. Definitely the kind of thing that would stand out in a quieter environment, even a reference desk. He would wake up insanely early on a weekend morning (Im guessing, being a lot older, he didnt party as much as we did and so turned in early), put his home countrys music on, and turn the volume on the boombox way up. They actually do force conversations onto other people, usually first thing in the morning (but at other times too) for *at least* 30 min each time. Youre not expected to read your extrovert coworkers minds about what they prefer, so dont expect them to read yours. If your neighbor complained that you were walking around your room too loudly, you apologized and put on slippers. And, just like a manager would do when talking to an employee about a performance problem when the first conversation didn't work, you might escalate it in seriousness of tone and/or substance. This may not be the workplace for you, Im afraid. Do you consider 15 minutes or so of general chit-chat to be the same as constantly fill the dead air with personal chit-chat,? But even 15 minutes combined sounds like a lot from this end. Which is another can of worms in my mind. Would you say this person talks more than you? That said, we shared a suite with an older guy from a middle-eastern country, who was one of the few people in the building to own a boombox. 2. [He/She] just thought I was done." Shes outnumbered and fighting a losing battle, unless she wants to fire everyone for a silly reason and hire an entirely new (silent) team. Yes, but major skills are (a) speaking French and (b) kissing someones arm. Carry on talking - even if you are startled, immediately say "AND" and keep talking. It may be something that you will have to learn to live with or move on. If in the future you find the culture too silent, I do recommend headphones and music or podcast streaming, which works for me when I find the quiet stifling. Those conversations and the resulting laughter were sometimes the only thing keeping us from choking out the most aggressive/disrespectful patrons wed get. Thats to say, imagine you actually only talk for 30 mins a day, and thats still too much for your boss. Its an unnecessary distraction and unwanted. I dont have advice for you in this situation, but I want to reassure you that its not like this is the universal norm and your previous work environment was an aberration. Please remove my comment if thats easier, Allison. (never had a boss ever say no to this. Same technique as getting past the people selling hair straighteners at the mall. Perhaps write down notes about conversations (just what you talked about and how long the conversation likely lasted). So maybe ask your boss, whats your impression of how much talking happens now? And then, There are times where speaking about a question saves two or more of us a lot of time, compared to a group email or text. Some people like silence. Oh dear god. To be honest, if I were you Id look for a new job, simply because it may not be that hard to find a place with a more compatible environment and it will improve your quality of life tremendously. Every interruption in my line of work means I need to spend the next 10 min getting back into it. I would have loved this Quiet House theme. But a total of 15 minutes of non-work-related conversation per day in few-minute blocks here and there isnt excessive. How to solve the coordinates containing points and vectors in the equation? Sometimes I cant hear clients talking on the phone. OP, when youre the newer person, you cant really walk in and change an office culture unless that is what you were hired for or are senior enough to do so. The boss is going to stifle the team with this kind of demand. Yet, obviously, there are many housing arrangements where it would be routinely expected to hear walking from above. Well the obvious answer is that I was sick! You can now be recruited away guilt-free. Its hard to imagine anyone considering closing their office door for a conversation that lasts two minutes by the time youve decided to do it the conversation is over. Yes, that seems pretty obnoxious from the boss imo. Especially since it sounds like adjusting in the bosss case would take no more than changing from almost closing the door to actually closing it! Were really a very collaborative and chatty field except in the spaces weve designated to be quiet for our patrons benefit. Your boss tells you to shut it, you shut it. You dont have to chat if you dont want to chat. Things are great, just like they were before. I suppose you could put all of that in email, but it can be much more efficient to ask a quick 10-second question on the spot and get an immediate 10-second answer, rather than having to pause what youre doing and wait hours for a response. Sure, and I think I have clarified plenty of times already that I have no issue with that. Yall wont stop talking about why you dont want to talk. If your boss then mentions your reluctance/quietness in a performance review/chat, you could then bring up "well, you always talk over me". CAN MY BOSS TELL ME TO WITCH CO WORKER I CAN TALK TO AND - Avvo.com You would almost have to hire seeking *just that one trait* to manage to get another office like that if the culture has already changed. But either way a discussion with your boss about it should help you to deal with the situation in the future. Yup. Hahaha, no but really, a couple weeks ago I was visiting my daughter and my lovely grandson had a cold began my mom. (Ive never met a quiet childrens librarian, for that matter.) We just close our doors if we need the extra quiet time. Not possible when your desks are 12 hours away by plane. Its was the strangest experience ever. And Id like to point out that, although I often do wear earphones at my job, even loud music doesnt entirely drown out the chatter. I comprehend everyone has their own preferences snd think we all must respect each other, even if they dont live life like we do. Weve been told to keep quiet by the patrons. Which is why I added the comment about be sure youre talking /to/ someone and not /at/ them.. I actually read one of those how to make friends and influence people type of books once, where one of the major tactics they recommended was when youre approaching new people, to open the conversation by declaring somewhere you have to be or something you have to do in a short amount of time that puts a short countdown timer on your interaction with them. updates: the monthly hikes, the coworker with the criminal record, and more, the outraged notes littering offices everywhere, update: my employee blows up my phone with memes and videos even in the middle of the night and refuses to stop, employer wants to hire my replacement but I havent quit, bosss daughter watches me while I work, and more, HR said a coworkers religion didnt count, employer wants me to lie about why Im leaving, and more, update: I feel no ambition whatsoever at work, updates: the blame-throwing employee, wearing a wedding ring to an interview, and more, updates: company asked for documentation of my dietary restrictions, Im afraid people at work will think Im being abused, and more. How to Deal With a Boss Who Talks Too Much | The Muse I think its as diverse as anything. When you need to ask a work related question, get out of your seat and walk over to the person so you can speak quietly. The rest of us within earshot have no choice but to captively listen to every minute detail of his persons personal life every single day. https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/bosses-should-encourage-office-chats-improve-team-performance, Dr Antonia Dietmann Some of them are just snotty and lazy people hiding behind the label. My old area was on the opposite side of a solid wall from the mens room and voices carried. Compared to a call center, this office would be super quiet, but compared to quietly chatting on the computer, 15 people talking out loud for 15 minutes a day (at least) in short bursts of 2-5 minutes will be like a wall of sound. Not to mention: many, many people have difficulty adjusting to a groups shared social norms just tell people what you need and theyre usually much, much better at trying it. Its like, since they didnt see me check their availability multiple times and go visit a closed office door 3 times before finally sending an email, they feel justified in scrutinizing me. You have to develop the ability to say, Im sorry, Ive got to get moving.. If OPs office was at +45 (super super quite) end of the spectrum and is trying to bring the office to a +10 or even 0, while that would be a normal range in most offices, it might still seem like a huge swing or like the office has become a very chatty. Right next to customer service, where people are always on the phone or having loud conversations across the hallway to each other. Adding onto my own thought for anyone relating Ive realized that my extroversion actually exacerbates my anxiety, not cancels it out. I have another person in my life who has ENORMOUS pauses without yielding his turn. Yes we may have different needs/energy supplies, but its no excuse for being rude or leaving the other person to make all the effort. We are more on the library side of the chatty quiet spectrum. You may not find it frustrating that someone wants to waylay you on the way to the bathroom for a quick chat. Also when youre in a REALLY busy period Ive gotten a lot of mileage out of responding to hows it going? inquiries by sort of inhaling deeply, making a what a crazy day! facial expression, and saying in a cheerful tone of voice, busy busy busy! as I leave the scene of the crime. That is a very extreme way to handle it, but just an example that it DOES happen that we sometimes underestimate how much we talk versus how much people perceive us talking. Before I got my MLIS degree, I volunteered at my local library and everyone was really welcoming. One woman will just talk forever, so most of us peace out of the trailer at lunch after eating it doesnt seem to bother her! presumably, if they told their manager and it was handled in a private conversation, theyre not going to reveal to op now that they are actually being a nuisance and talking too much. It shouldn't, but if she's immature, she may take this personally. Another good point. Thats not introverted, thats rude? I can talk with male CWs, but as soon as us girls are seen even working together look out (we both got dinged for talking together too much on our respective reviews six months apart). Wait until the boss is done, then add your points to the meeting. I know some talkative people, and the gap between how much they think they talk and how much they actually do talk is fairly wide maybe not Grand Canyon wide but getting close. Vocabulary is important here. My boss talks about me to other employees so . In that case, as ridiculous as it might feel to you, I do think youd need to rein in how much chatting youre doing both because your boss has directly told you to and because your coworkers sound like theyd prefer it too. Heres the thing. I dont know how they get anything done, and to be fair, the expectation seems to be that you *dont* need to get much done. Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. Is it a lost cause and I just need to adapt or leave? ask one person you trust whether the boss is specifically talking over you more than other people, and if so whether it's perhaps because your pauses are longer or something. I dont actually have to be looking at them to chat about something. 12 Simple Ways to Deal with a Condescending Boss - wikiHow My boss allowed me to take the course at home. Ive seen other managers that dont do these things and their direct reports talk about how theyre afraid to approach their boss with a request, because they seem grouchy or they cant read them. Well said! A few days ago we all got swept up in a conversation. my boss told me to stop closing my office door when I'm on the phone Seeing things from another persons view point doesnt mean you have to do things their way. Remember that how was your weekend? whats up? or hows it going? dont require real answers unless its a genuine friend asking you in a social setting when coworkers ask those questions theyre mostly expecting to hear, Fine, thanks in response. Also make a point of noticing how the boss reacts when you continue your point. Im a pretty big introvert, and it irks me when more extroverted coworkers complain about how quiet it is upon arriving at the office. If it is how you describe, I agree that your boss is being unreasonable, but Im not sure theres much you can do about it or that this is a hill to die on. @Washi Im not OP, Im not the one with a problem. OP here, I completely understand what youre saying, but Ive been here for two years! What can I do to stop a non-supervisor manager busybody from constantly checking on me? But our teams are spread across different buildings, remote workers, and offices located in several different states and times zones, so, out of necessity, most of our collaborative work is done by phone meetings and IM. I also always stood first in the girls half of the recess line, next to the boys, because nobody else wanted to in 2nd grade.). That was the first thing that occurred to me. If literally everyone else appreciates the silent tomb, then tragically, youre the outlier. [CA] My boss told me to stop talking to my coworkers about our wages The amount of introvert worship that goes on in this comment section is maddening. My boss likes me and suddenly stopped talking to me. What should I do? Most librarians are introverts, but we are not necessarily quiet. And here we are! Ive since found out that she did pull in another coworker and have the same coversation with her about her being too talkative. I work in a field where the average personality could be described as bookish, and have heard many more comments along the lines of ugh, X is so chatty or Y is really sales-y, gross than I have heard comments about people being too shy or reserved, which echoes what I tend to see on the internet as well. Since neither of us is good at eye contact we give and get less cues than some people, too. And it could have the appearance of searching for the tattle than actually being self aware even after a direct conversation with their manager. That said, I wonder how the other ~15 people feel. Its being human. If everyone likes it quiet, the best thing you can do is adjust. There was usually a bit of a stir around lunch where folks would be a little chattier as they were going out for food or using the kitchen, but I really dont recall ever having any extended conversations out loud just that I had about a dozen chat windows that I tabbed between all day long. Lets give the O the benefit of the doubt here. My boss is now calling me constantly at home how do I get them to stop? But OPs sounds like a weird nightmare, honestly. Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Share to Linkedin Shutterstock Dear Liz, I am in a jam and I hope you can help me. Keeping DNA sequence after changing FASTA header on command line, Short story in which a scout on a colony ship learns there are no habitable worlds. Good morning). Im an introvert too but that doesnt mean I get to be downright rude to people. Have you considered making the small-talk center around the particular movement-heavy times like the lunch time or at the start/end of the workday and keeping chunks of time quiet for people who need to focus? As an introvert, I completely agree with all of this. Plenty of offices are not like this at all most places Ive ever worked COULDNT operate like this because talking and interacting with people (in person or on the phone) is a fundamental part of my job. My university had some special theme dorms like this, too. So true! I mean, thats why you walk away. Librarians present to people all the time. How do barrel adjusters for v-brakes work? I mean, theres a difference between five minutes and one minute, I think and I read Jennifers comment as being more like one minute. I thought people were taking that a bit too seriously. I shake hands, I greet people at work (Im a manager, so Id come off as an asshole if I just breezed by my team every morning without a word), I engage in the chit chat before meetings, sometimes I force myself to get up and go ask a question of my team members in person so theres a little face time, and its no big deal. The thing about people is that were all different, and what one person finds frustrating, another one might not. Now, if shed be able to follow your conversation through the closed door, that would be an issue. If the previous person communicated exclusively by email and OP was in the office, I understand that she may have just meant she had to train people that she was available in a different way. I agree. I think youre talking about not being able to read a room, which isnt the same as being extroverted. It doesnt sound excessive to me it may be that you are slightly underestimating the chat, or your boss (or their tasks!) OP has also said in their clarifying comment further down that another coworker was also apparently spoken to by the boss and asked to tone down the chit-chat, so it does seem like its a this boss wants a particularly quiet environment situation. I get a lot of no way, youre introverted? My Boss Told Me Not To Talk At Meetings - Forbes I wouldnt describe someone wanting to talk to me about my weekend is frustrating, and I can use my words to tell them politely I dont have time to chat if Im rushing to the bathroom or have a ton of work. Unless I forced other people into conversations. I cant find the receipt. Can you tell me what line item I need to take these supplies from?, In fact I think electronic written communication might be better because people can refer back to it instead of having to go back to a co-worker where did you say the invoice is located, or where should I save abc document?. I dont necessarily consider it a good thinglike several other aspects of my workplaces culture, I think it contributes to us having a reputation as a company to join when you cant/dont want to hack it at other, better companies. If you have a reputation of being stuffy and boring places nobody wants to go to, there is a good chance your taxpayers wont want to fund you. The OPs clarification indicates that it really is just the boss being unreasonable. Thats a good point and its not always obvious. Oh, and I was at the wrong store. Some people actually do not stop trying to talk to you if you give them a quick acknowledgment and keep walking. I usually enjoy it and I feel like it makes me more approachable. There were several kids playing Fortnite on the computer and bantering amongst each other, not being particularly quiet about it. They also hate the introvert narrative and say its just an excuse to not play the game of living in a society, so to speak. Thatll give you some good grounding in whether or not your boss is being unrealistic. XD. Most of the examples that OP gave seem like they can just as easily be done via email/IM. Electronic chatting still helps build relationships/camaraderie while keeping things quite for people who need to focus/work. Im awkward AF and it took me well into my 30s to start a conversation. Ive worked jobs where you only interacted with 1 other human for max 10 minutes out of the workday, and I found it really isolating.

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